I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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