wakey wakey hands off snakey
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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