On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
