I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
