why didn't you poke me back
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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