The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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