you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
