So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This baby is an asshole
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
