I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
