I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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