I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the liver wants what the liver wants
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
