We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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