you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
