Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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