I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
