The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
