the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
