wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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