awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
