There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
