you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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