Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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