i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
