you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
