They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
