I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
