i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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