Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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