Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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