Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
