Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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