You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize