i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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