I think i peed on brittanys purse
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
