I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
