Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
