...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
