Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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