Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
