I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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