Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
