I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
