College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
