A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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