piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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