Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
false alarm. still invincible.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
