If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
