I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
