Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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