i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
