i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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