no, he came in my armpit
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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