the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
