can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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