We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
