just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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