Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
