What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My bed smells like the plague
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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