I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
