$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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