Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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