it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
