So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wear drunk well.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
