So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
