Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
